I love black thongs
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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