So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
