my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
