Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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