I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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