Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
