What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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