I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my being single is dangerous.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
