I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
