I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
