oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
