I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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