i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
