YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
