That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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