You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
