I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I forget how to act sober
Randomize