You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
