when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
