One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
