my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
