im drinking this country out of the recession.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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