there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
