if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
