I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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