Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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