This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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