Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize