It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
