I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
