he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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