Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
