dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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