What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
