Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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