Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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