I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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