Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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