Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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