thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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