I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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