So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
