just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
