I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
