I am puke
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
