Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
