...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
