I think I died a long time ago.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
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