I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dicks are not precious.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
