a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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