Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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