I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
