I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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