I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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