I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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