Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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