Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize