I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I want a musical about memes.
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