and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
