I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
