I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I FOUND THE LEGS
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
