I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
