He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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