I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
