I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
