The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
