"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
