4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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