Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
