Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
