you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
