He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
