To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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