whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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