Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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