tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
