That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
