I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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