You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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