Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
